SEASON 1
Episode 1 Pilot
•But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. -Ted
•I gotta do what that guy couldn't. I gotta take the leap. Okay, not a perfect metaphor, 'cause for me it's falling in love and getting married and for him it's... death. - Ted
Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. - Barney
· You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it.
•That's the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you planned it or not. - Ted
•*olive theory - opposite attracts*
Episode 2 Purple Giraffe
•Lots of guys are something. I'm something else. - Ted
•She's not just one of them. She's The One - Ted
•It's a game, I gotta just keep playing it. - Ted
•It's a great look, but you're looking at the wrong girl.-Robin
•You're right, there's no off switch. God, I wish there was an off switch. - Ted
•How, in all this mess, is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? - Ted || Have you met Ted? - Robin
Episode 3 The Sweet Taste of Liberty
•Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes. - Robin
•You've been living your whole life in a seat belt. It's time to unclick!- Barney
•All these girls here tonight are all hoping to catch what you've already got - Robin
•Because you're my best friend, all right? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno. -Barney
•I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story.-Ted
Episode 4 Return of the Shirt
•Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions.-Ted
•It's not a cliché. It's a classic. -Marshall
•There's no ‘better’ in breaking up. There's only less awful. A cliché is a cliché for a reason. It's comforting. - Marshall
•The chances of one person being another person's The One are like 6 billion to one.-Ted
Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery.-Lily
Episode 5 Okay Awesome
•Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it! Love it!-Lily
•One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. -Barney
•I'm no VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lowly little P. -Robin
•I'd love to go back and be that person again. But, you can't move backwards. You can only go forward.-Lily
False. You go wherever you want. I guess the question is: where do you want to go? - Robin
Episode 6 The Slutty Pumpkin
•This is not about the odds, this is about believing. - Ted
Episode 7 Matchmaker
•Don't hate the player, hate the game.- Barney
•Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it! Love it!-Lily
•One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. -Barney
•I'm no VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lowly little P. -Robin
•I'd love to go back and be that person again. But, you can't move backwards. You can only go forward.-Lily
False. You go wherever you want. I guess the question is: where do you want to go? - Robin
Episode 6 The Slutty Pumpkin
•This is not about the odds, this is about believing. - Ted
Episode 7 Matchmaker
•Don't hate the player, hate the game.- Barney
Episode 8 The Duel
•A Lemon Law: From the moment the date begins you have five minutes to decide whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don't, it's no hard feelings just good night, thanks for playing, see you never.
•You keep giving up on people so quickly, you're gonna miss out on something great.- Robin
Episode 10 The Pineapple Incident
•No, don't think. Do. - Barney
•You overthink. Maybe you should overdrink. - Marshall
Episode 14 Zip, Zip, Zip
•Maybe we run out of firsts - Lily
•No, that’s the bro code. A bro doesn’t tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him.- Barney
Episode 15 Game Night
•We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, but in those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being. - Ted
Episode 16 Cupcake
•The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.- Robin
Episode 17 Life Among the Gorillas
•Like, I remember how she makes me feel, I just don't completely remember her. It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone.- Ted
•I mean, we struggle so hard to hold on to these things that we know are gonna disappear eventually. And that's really noble. - Lily
Episode 18 Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM
•I hate how you're always right.-Ted
It's my best and most annoying trait. - Lily
Episode 19 Mary the Paralegal
•You've been lawyered! - Marshall
•Oh come on, if you don't laugh it just seems mean - Barney
Episode 20 Best Prom Ever
•God, you are so terrified of anything real. It's like you're floating out in space. Touch the ground, Robin. Live in the world, make a mistake. Make this mistake. – Ted
•Okay, I've missed you. Not in a "we're going to make out" way, not even in an "I forgive you" way. Just in an "I've missed you" way. - Robin
Episode 21 Milk
•OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you? - Lily
•Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway. - Ted
Watch - Best How I Met Your Mother Monologues
SEASON 2
Episode 1 Where Were We?
•Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. - Barney
•The only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time. - Ted
Episode 2 The Scorpion and the Toad
•Ambition is the enemy of success - Marshall
•The thing about a hangover is that everyone has their own special remedy. -Ted
•Do you think Marshall will take me back? – Lily
In a heartbeat- Ted
Episode 4 Ted Mosby, Architect
•I'm acting crazy and jealous and paranoid.-Robin
This is how people act in relationships.-Lily
Episode 5 World's Greatest Couple
•You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. - Barney
Episode 8 Atlantic City
•Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're gonna win. – Barney
Episode 9 Slap Bet
•Doesn’t mean you're right, I'm wrong.- Barney
Episode 10 Single Stamina
•*single stamina or couple coma*
Episode 11 How Lily Stole Christmas
•Christmas is a time when people are lonely and desperate; it's the most wonderful time - Barney
•Can we skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? - Lily
Episode 12 First Time in New York
•Stages in saying “I love you” (Robin): The Moment when you think it; The Moment when you think you know it; The Moment when you know you know it but you just can’t say it; The Moment when you know you know it but you can’t keep it in any longer
•Free-way Theory – Exits to relationships: The 6-hour exit – You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit while she’s in the shower. The next exits after that are 4 days, 3 weeks, 7 months, 1.5 years, 18 years and the last exit – death. - Barney
Episode 14 Monday Night Football
•Because sometimes even if you know how something's gonna end that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. - Ted
Episode 15 Lucky Penny
•The littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life. - Ted
Episode 17 Arrivederci, Fiero
•Sometimes life forces us to be someone we didn't want to be. When that happens, we often try to hold on to a little piece of who we were. Maybe a tattoo or a piece of jewelry. A tiny souvenir that reminds us, 'This is who I really am.' – Ted
•That’s life, you know, we never end up where you thought you wanted to be. - Marshall
Episode 19 Bachelor Party
•You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won't be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever. – Barney
Episode 20 Showdown
•If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating if you find out that wasn't true.- Barney
Episode 21 Something Borrowed
•Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh, you take care of me when I'm sick, you're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing on the eggs before she cooks them, it's called Eggs Marshall and it's awesome. But the main reason is you're my best friend, Lily. You're the best friend I've ever had. – Marshall
•Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary, you gave me a sweatshirt that says "Lily and Marshall: Rocking it since '96." I kinda wish I was wearing it right now cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Eriksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time. - Lliy
Episode 22 Something Blue
•Oh, does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name? - Lily
You know, in a totally evolved 21st century kind of way, yeah, a little. - Marshall
Oh, you know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name. - Lily
Oh, that's easy: Lily and Marshall Skywalker. - Marshall
Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff. - Lily
I got it! You ready? You ready? - Marshall
Yeah. - Lily
Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son Totally and their daughter Fricking? – Marshall
•I think for the most part, if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you. - Ted
SEASON 3
Episode 3 Third Wheel
•…but there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't. - Ted
Episode 4 Little Boys
•You can't spell 'game' without 'me', and 'me' has the best game. - Barney
Episode 5 How I Met Everyone Else
•It's like Descartes says, 'In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know - Ted
•It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't.- Barney
Episode 7 Dowisetrepla
•You married miss right. You just didn't know her first name was 'Always’.
Episode 8 Spoiler Alert
•You see, when someone's bad habits are pointed out to you, it's hard to ignore them, but if you love them enough, they are easy to forget.- Ted
Episode 9 Slapsgiving
•Friendship is an involuntary reflex, it just happens, you can't help it- Ted
Episode 10 The Yips
•Remember, this is not a regular season game. This is the World Series. So remember, we work together. - Barney
Episode 11 The Platinum Rule
•The Platinum Rule (Never date someone you will see on a regular basis.) Stages: 1. Attraction 2.bargaining 3. Submission 4.perks 5.tipping point 6.purgatory 6.confrontation 8. fallout
9th. coexistence-the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment isn't useful
•*hot crazy scale*
Episode 12 No Tomorrow
•It’s sometimes possible to think you're doing just fine in life. And then someone opens your eyes a little bit and you realize…Your whole world is off balance. Out of whack. Crooked.
Episode 14 The Bracket
•Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another. - Barney
Episode 15 *The Chain of Screaming*
Episode 16 Sandcastles in the Sand
•*revertigo
Episode 18 Rebound Bro
•Wait, did I give you a reason, or were you looking for one? - Ted
SEASON 4
Episode 1 Do I Know You?
•Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos - Barney
•I already know everything I need to know…that I love her. – Ted
Episode 4 Intervention
•When it's right, you just know. - Marshall
•Oh, my God, look at you cowards! So afraid of any kind of change. So terrified of anything new. So-so desperate to cling to anything comfortable and familiar. – Robin
•"We're going to get older whether we like it or not, so the only question is whether we get on with our lives, or desperately cling to the past. – Ted
Episode 6 Happily Ever After
•You may think that your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face. But there is a third option; you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.- Ted
•And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there waiting for me. - Ted
Episode 7 Not a Father's Day
•God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome. - Barney
•I hated their guts the second I saw them, which means they're hot. - Lily•*The Cheerleader Effect (the phenomenon of a group of women who appear to be hot, but only as a group)
•I’m creating a holiday!- Barney
•Maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart. -Ted
Episode 8 Woooo!
•And, when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out-- someone like you—it bums them out. It takes away their wooh! – Robin
Episode 9 The Naked Man
•Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup. - Ted
Half the length of the relationship - Lily
One week for every month you were together - Marshall
Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes - Robin
You can’t measure something like this in time; there’s a series of steps- from her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Neeeeext! - Barney
The moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game – Ted
•If you wanna go swimming, you don't just dive in. First you dip your toe on the water, you check the temperature see how it feels and then you slowly wade in. – Ted
Episode 11 Little Minnesota
•Well, where does any prejudice come from, Robin? A stereotype starts, and all of a sudden it spreads like wildfire… - Marshall
Episode 12 Benefits
•…when two exes decide to just be casual, someone always gets hurt. But this time, it was just not one of us.- Ted
•Besides, we're friends. ..Dating friends never work out. - Robin
Episode 13 Three Days of Snow
•…sometimes in life the planets align, everything links up, and your timing is perfect. – Ted
Episode 14 The Possimpible
•Success...is a state of mind. - Barney
Episode 15 The Stinsons
•If you ever do meet someone special, don't run away from it. Don't be me. Take a shot at it, will you?" - Loretta
Episode 16 Sorry, Bro
•How do you say goodbye in those situations? A handshake is too formal, a kiss on the cheek is too familiar. – Robin
Episode 17 *The Front Porch – test*
Episode 19 *Murtaugh (Martaugh List - too old for this stuff)
Episode 20 Mosbius Designs
•I don't love her, okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest. - Barney
•It’s like I’m giving up before I even get started - Ted
Episode 21 The Three Days Rule
•The three days rule- we wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait - Barney
•You and I and now.- Stan
•Like a lot of rules, there are times to follow them and times to not. - Ted
Episode 22 Right Place Right Time
•The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do; they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time - Ted
•There are a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen. - Ted
Episode 23 As Fast as She Can
•You cannot pull those strings anymore. They’re not attached to anything --- thanks to you. - Ted
•I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen. I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject. – Ted
I know that you're tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way... And she's getting here as fast as she can. - Stella
Episode 24 The Leap
•Maybe I want the trouble. I haven't wanted the trouble in a long time, but with you, the trouble doesn't seem so... troubling.- Barney
•Look, you can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it… and it’ll design itself. -Lily
SEASON 5
Episode 1 Definitions
•Definitions are important. - Lily
•You do realize they were lying- Ted
No, Ted, they don't realize they weren't lying- Lily
Episode 2 Double Date
•Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually likes them? - Ted
Episode 6 Bagpipes
•You and Robin are in the honeymoon phase. Everything's perfect. Every song on the radio's about you. Every other couple sucks. Enjoy it. N.R.S. (New Relationship Smugness) doesn't last forever. - Ted
Episode 7 The Rough Patch
•Maybe this isn't a break up. Maybe this is two friends getting back together. -Robin
Episode 8 The Playbook
•Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. - Ted
Episode 9 Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap
•I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned. - Marshall
Episode 10 The Window
•Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important? – Ted’s student
•I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing but I think I'm ready again. - Ted
Episode 12 Girls Vs. Suits
•"Circumstantial hotness"
Episode 13 Jenkins
•Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler. - Ted and Robin
Episode 14 The Perfect Week
•You know, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me. - Barney
•How can dwelling into a problem you can’t do anything help? – Ted
How can ignoring it help? - Lily
Episode 15 Rabbit or Duck
•The part of the human brain that makes you hate people is located right next to the part of the brain that makes you want to jump people’s bones. The two responses are so similar that it’s hard to tell them apart. - Marshall
Episode 16 Hooked
•*Hooked = Keeping someone just in case*
•Honesty is tough, but in the end it is the far kinder alternative - Robin
Episode 19 Zoo or False
•…but people don’t like to be lied to. - Ted
WRONG! They don’t like finding out they’ve been lied to. Because a lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth – Barney
Episode 20 Home Wreckers
•You can always find problems with any decision, but you can't let that stop you. - Ted
•You can't just skip ahead to where you think your life should be - Lily
•Usually in life when you make a stupid decision, you just have to live with it. - Lily
•Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all. - Ted
•Your heart is both drunk and a kid - Marshall
•That’s the thing about stupid decisions - we all make them, but time is funny and sometimes a little magical. It can take a stupid decision and turn it into something else entirely- Ted
Episode 21 Twin Beds
•You only want her because you can't have her. - Ted
Episode 22 Robots Versus Wrestlers
•It's just, eventually we're all gonna move on. It's called growing up. - Lily
Episode 23 The Wedding Bride
•You see, everyone's got some baggage-- it's part of life-- but like anything else, it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. - Ted
Episode 24 Doppelgangers
•But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. You know? These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago Robin, that girl she was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin… she’s amazing.- Ted
•You can ask the universe all signs you want but ultimately we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it.- Ted
SEASON 6
Episode 1 Big Days
•There are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the girl of your dreams and the day you marry her. - Ted
Episode 2 Cleaning House
•You're just too scared to face the truth. You’re living in a dream world. - James
It’s time to let go of the fantasies. It’s time to grow up. - Barney
Episode 3 Unfinished
•Don and I will always be a loose end. We will always be… - Robin
…Unfinished… It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be... - Ted
Episode 5 Architect of Destruction
•We all change a little for whoever we're into. - Ted
Episode 10 Blitzgiving
•People don’t stay enemies forever - Ted
Episode 11 The Mermaid Theory
•When your friends have great news, you're happy for them for like a millisecond and then you start thinking about yourself - Ted
•Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. – John Lennon/Barney
Episode 13 Bad News
•A word of advice: play along. The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you stir into the skid- Ted
Episode 16 Desperation Day
• *February 13th, Desperation Day
Episode 21 Hopeless
• Son, I was far more broken than you'll ever be...and look at me now. Don't get me wrong, settling down is a challenge - it's the biggest challenge of your life. - Jerry
Episode 23 Landmarks
• Sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things - Ted
Episode 24 Challenge Accepted
• The future is scary but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes it's tempting... - Robin
...but it's a mistake. - Barney
SEASON 7
Episode 01 The Best Man
• It doesn't have to make sense, it's chemistry. - Lily
• The reason that I call is to tell you how I feel about you. I know we didn´t work out the first time, and I know it doesn´t make any sense but I can´t shake this feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that still wants to try again? - Robin to Barney; Barney to Nora
• Everyday I think I believe a little less and a little less and a little less. and that... sucks. - Ted
• If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing - Robin
What's that? - Ted
Timing. But timing's a bitch! - Robin
Episode 02 The Naked Truth
I don't want to be choosing between two girls. I want to be a complete head-over-heels idiot for one! - Ted
• You can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly, and with absolute certainty.
Episode 03 Ducky Tie
• I'm happy that you're happy. But...damn it! What if? - Ted
Do you really wanna know the answer to that? - Victoria
No. I think it would kill me. - Ted
Episode 04 The Stinson Missile Crisis
• Sometimes love means taking a step back...if you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy, even if you wind up being left out. - Ted
Episode 05 Field Trip
• Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy? - Robin
Maybe because the idea of finally being happy terrifies you. - Kevin
Episode 06 Mystery vs History
• I don't want a background check. I want adventure and excitement!
Look, if it's a choice between mystery and history, i want mystery. - Ted
• People don't get the chance to discover each other anymore. - Ted
Episode 09 Disaster Averted
• There's no way of knowing for sure where the safest place is, so the best you can hope for is to have some good company. - Ted
Episode 10 Tick Tick Tick
• I'm such a mess.Why do you even like me? - Robin
I guess cause you're almost as messed up as I am. - Barney
• Just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard. - Kevin
• Kevin, I did something bad.- Robin
We've all done bad things, doesn't mean we're bad people. Look, I don't care about every detail from your past and I hope you don't care about mine either. What I do care about is you... - Kevin
• Sometimes hours can feel like minutes; and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime. - Ted
Episode 11 The Rebound Girl
• Well, you just went through a breakup. It's usually when people do something crazy. If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs and be dating you [Barney] by now. - Ted
• The universe told us to do it so we're doing it. - Lily
Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes! - Robin
• We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets. - Ted
- It gets pretty tough. - Barney
Episode 12 Symphony of Illumination
• I never wanted that... Of course, it's one thing not to want something; it's another to be told you can't have it. I guess it's just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you change your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. - Robin
• But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was...She was never alone. - Ted
Episode 13 Tailgate
• You know, to be honest, it hasn't been an easy couple of months for me. I've made mistakes. I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams I didn't even know I had... I just can't do 2011 anymore! - Robin
• That's the magic of New Years; when that clock strikes midnight, we all get a fresh start and I don't know about you, but I could really use one. - Robin
• Private moments are overrated. - Ted
Episode 16 The Drunk Train
• Never keep score - Lily and Marshall
• Will you marry me? ...Look, I know this is fast. I'm just excited to start a life with you, if that's what you want. - Kevin
• Do you know why I'm on the drunk train on Valentine's Day? Because I have nothing better to do. No one I can't stop thinking about. So you have feelings for Quinn? Go for it! cause you're wasting your time here. We both are. - Ted
• I'm scared that you'll wake up in a year or in ten or fifty...full of regret. - Robin
• Why? You got a girlfriend or something? - some girl
Maybe something - Barney
• Sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop, so the question becomes: where do you go next? - Future Ted
Episode 17 No Pressure
• Hey, bros before hoes, right? No matter how mad she made me, Robin's still my bro. And if you make her happy then that makes me happy. - Barney
• Things have just been crazy lately. Everything in my life is unstable. You're one of the few things that I could count on. And I don't really wanna mess that up. - Robin
• As long as the door is even a little bit open, I have this feeling that I;ll just be waiting around to see if I'll win the lottery when you turn 40. I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time is gonna that. - Ted
• I'm sorry. we're great as friends.Let's just forget I ever said anything. - Ted
• Here's the funny thing. In my own crazy way, I was kinda happy. For the first time in years, there was no little part of me clinging to the dream of being with Robin which meant that for the first time in years, the world is wide open. Because kids, when the door closes, well, you know the rest. - future ted
Episode 18 Karma
• You know it's funny, almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to. - Barney
• Ted, no matter how many things you put in this room, I'll still be here. - Robin
• ...I think deep down they realized it just... isn't a good fit - Robin
- It's hard to admit that sometimes. - Ted
sure is. - Robin
- I guess it's better to face it and move on than try to force something that isn't meant to be, right? - Ted
• See for me this place had begun to feel a little haunted. At first I thought it was haunted by Robin, but now I thought it was haunted by me. Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on. I need a change and I think you do too. This apartment needs some new life so please make our old home your new home. It is now ghost-free. - Ted
Episode 19 Broath
• Ted, I know it took guts to tell me you love me, and I know how much it hurt that I didn't say it back. But damn it! This sucks for me too. I miss you. Is there any way we could just go back to normal? - Robin
-I don't think I could do normal anymore. - Ted
And then we agreed to go back to normal. I'm starting to wonder if we could have a really 'just be friends'. - Ted
Episode 20 Trilogy Time
• I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time when all the evidence points to the contrary. - Ted
• No. No, I don't want that. For the first time in my life I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl, no matter how many boobs she has. I wanna be with Quinn. - Barney
Episode 21 Now We're Even
• Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary. - Ted
Episode 23 The Magician's Code Part One
• ...because much like that dumpster, you had a lot of guts; and you've used that bravery every day of your life. - Lily's dad
• Look, I'm a screw up. I had something special with this girl, Quinn, and I ruined it. But this guy, he's done everything right. He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old. There are only a few truly great people in this planet and he is one of them. He deserves to be at the birth of his son. So what do you say? - Barney
Episode 24 The Magician's Code Part Two
• Because as your friend I have to tell you: You're full of crap! ...You say you want a family. You say you wanna meet 'the one'. But you are always chasing the wrong women. - Robin
• If you really wanted a family, you would stop pursuing women you know that there is no future with! - Robin
• ...then you would actually have a chance to get what you say you want and it terrfies you! Why? Because if I saw a scalpel and I cut you open, all I will find inside is this scared trembling pile of crap. - Robin
• Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? Isn't it time to make your own destiny? - Robin
• This is your chance to get the one who got away. You want her. She wants you. What's the problem? - Robin
• Some part of me needed to hear you say that running away together wasn't an option. And now that I know that, it's like I'm sobering up. Is there any way that we can just pretend this never happened? - Victoria
-This never happened. - Ted
• The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it? - Ted
- Yeah, just a few. In a weird way, it all makes sense though, doesn't it? - Marshall
- Yeah, it kinda does. - Ted
SEASON 8
Episode 1 Farhampton
• I feel bad for the guy. I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him. - Ted
- You're not stealing me. I'm choosing you. - Victoria
• ..the thing that is almost the thing that you want but is not quite, that is Victoria to me... - Klaus
How do you know...? - Ted
- ...It's not something that develops over time. It's something that happens instantaneoulsy... fiiling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin... - Klaus
• And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday - Ted
- Of course, everyone does eventually. You just never know when and where. - Klaus
- And he was right - Future Ted
Episode 2 The Pre-Nup
• You all have someone who loves you and you're screwing it up, and over what? Who has the most power? That's not love! Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you. - Barney's co-worker
• Look at that! No legal documents needed, just honesty and vulnerability. That's love! You see, I once loved someone, only I didn't say it enough. Now, I wish I could say it every day. Hell, I don't care if it's crazy, I'm doing it. - Barney's co-worker
Episode 3 Nannies
• Look honey, I was the jerk who wasn't there for most of your childhood, and I regret that every single day of my life. But I promise you, I'm here now... for Marvin. If you want. - Lily's dad
You're hired. - Lily
Episode 4 Who Wants to be a Godparent
• Obviously, none of you knows what it really means to be a parent. - Marshall
- Whoa. Obviously, neither of you know what it means to be a friend anymore. - Barney
• When you have a baby, it's not just the most important thing in your life. It's the only important thing. When are you guys gonna get that?
- I think we get it. - Barney
Episode 5 The Autumn of Break-Ups
• Women over 30 don't joke when it comes to commitment. - Lily
-Victoria is happy we're taking things slow. - Ted
- No 32 year old woman is happy taking things slow. - Marshall
• You guys dated before. That time counts. The clock doesn't reset to zero. It un-pauses from where you left off. - Lily
- No way! No way! The clock resets. - Ted
• Wait...So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples for dinner to judge them and feel superior? - Ted
- Oh, grow up Ted! That's why any couple invites anyone over ever. - Lily
Episode 6 Splitsville
• If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. - Marshall
- Yeah. Take him to a nice restaurant, preferably a dessert place. That way you won't have to sit through a whole meal before you... - Ted
• I love everything about her! and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiot-stuff they felt. But this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to; and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her...more than she knows.
Episode 7 The Tramp Stamp
• Ted, why are you torturing yourself? None of us were our best in college. - Lily
•So? Marshall Eriksen, you just came back from your third date with Lily. How was it? - Past Ted.
- Great. Yeah. It's just... I think I'm falling for this girl pretty hard. Is everything happening too fast? Maybe I should see other people? - Past Marshall
- Geez. Dude. No! Lily Aldrin is special. You hold on to that girl.
Past Ted
- She is. I'm only 18. - Past Marshall
- Marshall! You being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her. I mean, I'd probably never gonna meet my wife until I'm 23. - Past Ted
- Right. What am I thinking? I'm in love with this girl. - Past Marshall
• Ted, oh my god. You gave me the ultimate stamp. I mean my whole life, this life, it all goes back to that moment. - Lily
Episode 8 Twelve Horny Women
• Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment. After that, they did what any two mature adults would do, they pretended it never happened. - Future Ted
• ...because when you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One. good. deed. leads to another and another. - 'future' Marshall
• The truth is you could fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere. - Marshall (dream)
• I came here to thank you for reminding me why I get into law in the first place...to fight for the little guy. - Brad
Judges are the ones who can affect real change. - Marshall
I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it has taken me this long to figure it out. But I promise, I'm done making a fool of myself. - Barney
Episode 9 Lobster Crawl
• You may have closed the door on Barney but he locked it. - Lily
- What? No, he didn't! - Robin
- He got the last word. And now you want what you can't have, like you always do. - Lily
• The only way to get Barney out of my system is to get him into my system...one last time. - Robin
I realized that I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is. - Barney
Episode 10 The Over-Correction
• It's an over-correction....Barney was engaged to Quinn, a stripper he never really trusted so he over-correct by dating her opposite: warm and norturing Patrice. - Ted
• ...It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy? - Barney
• People change. - Ted
- But not as fast and as drastically. This is a cry for help. - Robin
Episode 11 and 12: The Final Page
• A pit guy is someone you've been obsessed with for so long that it has driven you crazy enough to throw him in a pit in your basement like in "The Silence of the Lambs". - Lily
• Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have them 'til you have the chance to push them in. - Future Ted
• Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want. - Marshall
• Kids, sometimes in life you'll make a pit for someone in your mind but ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself...which means there's only one person who can let you out of the pit. - Future Ted
• I want my bestfriend to be happy and if Robin could mean happiness for you then, dear god, why help her go after another man? - Marshall
- Because she might still be in love with him! To not tell her, to not give her that chance, it's selfish. - Ted
- So be selfish. - Marshall
- I can't do that. - Ted
• Robin is my friend. - Ted
- She's always been more than that and you know it. - Marshall
• I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop putting everyone else's interest ahead of my own and for once in my life do what's best for me. - Marshall to Ted
• Why would I wanna throw myself back in that pit? - Robin
- Because you're in love with him. - Ted
• Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car. - Ted
Episode 13 Band or DJ?
• I know! Because you thought you were okay in letting her go but now that she's really gone, it hurts. - Lily
• Kids, at that point in my life, I've been hurt quite a few times already...but when I saw that text message and found out Robin was engaged it was like (montage of hurtful scenes) times a million. - Future Ted
• Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Sometimes I wanna pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back. - Lily
• He must really love me. - Robin
He'd be crazy not to. - Ted
Episode 14: Ring Up
• Oh sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you. - Lily
- It's true, like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see and I see her brighter and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love. - Marshall
• That night, even though she still couldn't get a beer, Robin realized the true power of the ring... - Future Ted
Episode 15: P.S. I Love You
• This is destiny. - Ted
- No, Ted. This is forcing it. - Marshalif
• They were right. You can't force destiny. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. -future Ted
• Whether a gesture's charming or alarming, depends on how it's received. -Ted
Episode 16: Bad Crazy
• She's insane. But I think you are also a liitle insane right now so I think you need to go be with your crazy girl for a while, and when it all goes down in flames...we'll be here for you because we love you. - Lily
Episode 17: The Ashtray
• Well, I have a passion. It's taking life and turning it intoa series of crazy stories. If you can do that without me, then I don't even know who I am anymore - Barney
• Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me.- Lily
• I promise you, your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you. - Marshall
- I love you so much for saying that but there gets to be a point in life where that just stops being true.- Lily
Episode 18: Weekend at Barney's
• But underneath all of those lies is one true thing, one true thing, that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you. And you know that when I say that, I am not lying. -Barney
Episode19: The Fortress
• If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out...I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you. - Robin
- Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows. - Barney
Episode 20: The Time Travelers
• Hi, I'm Ted Mosby... and exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet and we're gonna fall in love and we're gonna get married and... we're gonna have 2 kids and we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away... but I'm here now. I guess because I want these extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. But if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punch me in the face... because I love you. I'm always gonna love you 'til the end of my days and beyond. You'll see. - Ted
SEASON 2
Episode 1 Where Were We?
•Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. - Barney
•The only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time. - Ted
Episode 2 The Scorpion and the Toad
•Ambition is the enemy of success - Marshall
•The thing about a hangover is that everyone has their own special remedy. -Ted
•Do you think Marshall will take me back? – Lily
In a heartbeat- Ted
Episode 4 Ted Mosby, Architect
•I'm acting crazy and jealous and paranoid.-Robin
This is how people act in relationships.-Lily
Episode 5 World's Greatest Couple
•You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. - Barney
Episode 8 Atlantic City
•Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're gonna win. – Barney
Episode 9 Slap Bet
•Doesn’t mean you're right, I'm wrong.- Barney
Episode 10 Single Stamina
•*single stamina or couple coma*
Episode 11 How Lily Stole Christmas
•Christmas is a time when people are lonely and desperate; it's the most wonderful time - Barney
•Can we skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? - Lily
Episode 12 First Time in New York
•Stages in saying “I love you” (Robin): The Moment when you think it; The Moment when you think you know it; The Moment when you know you know it but you just can’t say it; The Moment when you know you know it but you can’t keep it in any longer
•Free-way Theory – Exits to relationships: The 6-hour exit – You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit while she’s in the shower. The next exits after that are 4 days, 3 weeks, 7 months, 1.5 years, 18 years and the last exit – death. - Barney
Episode 14 Monday Night Football
•Because sometimes even if you know how something's gonna end that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. - Ted
Episode 15 Lucky Penny
•The littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life. - Ted
Episode 17 Arrivederci, Fiero
•Sometimes life forces us to be someone we didn't want to be. When that happens, we often try to hold on to a little piece of who we were. Maybe a tattoo or a piece of jewelry. A tiny souvenir that reminds us, 'This is who I really am.' – Ted
•That’s life, you know, we never end up where you thought you wanted to be. - Marshall
Episode 19 Bachelor Party
•You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won't be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever. – Barney
Episode 20 Showdown
•If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating if you find out that wasn't true.- Barney
Episode 21 Something Borrowed
•Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh, you take care of me when I'm sick, you're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing on the eggs before she cooks them, it's called Eggs Marshall and it's awesome. But the main reason is you're my best friend, Lily. You're the best friend I've ever had. – Marshall
•Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary, you gave me a sweatshirt that says "Lily and Marshall: Rocking it since '96." I kinda wish I was wearing it right now cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Eriksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time. - Lliy
Episode 22 Something Blue
•Oh, does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name? - Lily
You know, in a totally evolved 21st century kind of way, yeah, a little. - Marshall
Oh, you know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name. - Lily
Oh, that's easy: Lily and Marshall Skywalker. - Marshall
Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff. - Lily
I got it! You ready? You ready? - Marshall
Yeah. - Lily
Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son Totally and their daughter Fricking? – Marshall
•I think for the most part, if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you. - Ted
SEASON 3
Episode 3 Third Wheel
•…but there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't. - Ted
Episode 4 Little Boys
•You can't spell 'game' without 'me', and 'me' has the best game. - Barney
Episode 5 How I Met Everyone Else
•It's like Descartes says, 'In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know - Ted
•It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't.- Barney
Episode 7 Dowisetrepla
•You married miss right. You just didn't know her first name was 'Always’.
Episode 8 Spoiler Alert
•You see, when someone's bad habits are pointed out to you, it's hard to ignore them, but if you love them enough, they are easy to forget.- Ted
Episode 9 Slapsgiving
•Friendship is an involuntary reflex, it just happens, you can't help it- Ted
Episode 10 The Yips
•Remember, this is not a regular season game. This is the World Series. So remember, we work together. - Barney
Episode 11 The Platinum Rule
•The Platinum Rule (Never date someone you will see on a regular basis.) Stages: 1. Attraction 2.bargaining 3. Submission 4.perks 5.tipping point 6.purgatory 6.confrontation 8. fallout
9th. coexistence-the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment isn't useful
•*hot crazy scale*
Episode 12 No Tomorrow
•It’s sometimes possible to think you're doing just fine in life. And then someone opens your eyes a little bit and you realize…Your whole world is off balance. Out of whack. Crooked.
Episode 14 The Bracket
•Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another. - Barney
Episode 15 *The Chain of Screaming*
Episode 16 Sandcastles in the Sand
•*revertigo
Episode 18 Rebound Bro
•Wait, did I give you a reason, or were you looking for one? - Ted
SEASON 4
Episode 1 Do I Know You?
•Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos - Barney
•I already know everything I need to know…that I love her. – Ted
Episode 4 Intervention
•When it's right, you just know. - Marshall
•Oh, my God, look at you cowards! So afraid of any kind of change. So terrified of anything new. So-so desperate to cling to anything comfortable and familiar. – Robin
•"We're going to get older whether we like it or not, so the only question is whether we get on with our lives, or desperately cling to the past. – Ted
Episode 6 Happily Ever After
•You may think that your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face. But there is a third option; you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward.- Ted
•And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there waiting for me. - Ted
Episode 7 Not a Father's Day
•God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome. - Barney
•I hated their guts the second I saw them, which means they're hot. - Lily•*The Cheerleader Effect (the phenomenon of a group of women who appear to be hot, but only as a group)
•I’m creating a holiday!- Barney
•Maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart. -Ted
Episode 8 Woooo!
•And, when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out-- someone like you—it bums them out. It takes away their wooh! – Robin
Episode 9 The Naked Man
•Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup. - Ted
Half the length of the relationship - Lily
One week for every month you were together - Marshall
Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes - Robin
You can’t measure something like this in time; there’s a series of steps- from her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Neeeeext! - Barney
The moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game – Ted
•If you wanna go swimming, you don't just dive in. First you dip your toe on the water, you check the temperature see how it feels and then you slowly wade in. – Ted
Episode 11 Little Minnesota
•Well, where does any prejudice come from, Robin? A stereotype starts, and all of a sudden it spreads like wildfire… - Marshall
Episode 12 Benefits
•…when two exes decide to just be casual, someone always gets hurt. But this time, it was just not one of us.- Ted
•Besides, we're friends. ..Dating friends never work out. - Robin
Episode 13 Three Days of Snow
•…sometimes in life the planets align, everything links up, and your timing is perfect. – Ted
Episode 14 The Possimpible
•Success...is a state of mind. - Barney
Episode 15 The Stinsons
•If you ever do meet someone special, don't run away from it. Don't be me. Take a shot at it, will you?" - Loretta
Episode 16 Sorry, Bro
•How do you say goodbye in those situations? A handshake is too formal, a kiss on the cheek is too familiar. – Robin
Episode 17 *The Front Porch – test*
Episode 19 *Murtaugh (Martaugh List - too old for this stuff)
Episode 20 Mosbius Designs
•I don't love her, okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest. - Barney
•It’s like I’m giving up before I even get started - Ted
Episode 21 The Three Days Rule
•The three days rule- we wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait - Barney
•You and I and now.- Stan
•Like a lot of rules, there are times to follow them and times to not. - Ted
Episode 22 Right Place Right Time
•The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do; they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time - Ted
•There are a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen. - Ted
Episode 23 As Fast as She Can
•You cannot pull those strings anymore. They’re not attached to anything --- thanks to you. - Ted
•I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen. I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject. – Ted
I know that you're tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way... And she's getting here as fast as she can. - Stella
Episode 24 The Leap
•Maybe I want the trouble. I haven't wanted the trouble in a long time, but with you, the trouble doesn't seem so... troubling.- Barney
•Look, you can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it… and it’ll design itself. -Lily
SEASON 5
Episode 1 Definitions
•Definitions are important. - Lily
•You do realize they were lying- Ted
No, Ted, they don't realize they weren't lying- Lily
Episode 2 Double Date
•Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually likes them? - Ted
Episode 6 Bagpipes
•You and Robin are in the honeymoon phase. Everything's perfect. Every song on the radio's about you. Every other couple sucks. Enjoy it. N.R.S. (New Relationship Smugness) doesn't last forever. - Ted
Episode 7 The Rough Patch
•Maybe this isn't a break up. Maybe this is two friends getting back together. -Robin
Episode 8 The Playbook
•Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. - Ted
Episode 9 Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap
•I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned. - Marshall
Episode 10 The Window
•Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important? – Ted’s student
•I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing but I think I'm ready again. - Ted
Episode 12 Girls Vs. Suits
•"Circumstantial hotness"
Episode 13 Jenkins
•Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler. - Ted and Robin
Episode 14 The Perfect Week
•You know, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me. - Barney
•How can dwelling into a problem you can’t do anything help? – Ted
How can ignoring it help? - Lily
Episode 15 Rabbit or Duck
•The part of the human brain that makes you hate people is located right next to the part of the brain that makes you want to jump people’s bones. The two responses are so similar that it’s hard to tell them apart. - Marshall
Episode 16 Hooked
•*Hooked = Keeping someone just in case*
•Honesty is tough, but in the end it is the far kinder alternative - Robin
Episode 19 Zoo or False
•…but people don’t like to be lied to. - Ted
WRONG! They don’t like finding out they’ve been lied to. Because a lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth – Barney
Episode 20 Home Wreckers
•You can always find problems with any decision, but you can't let that stop you. - Ted
•You can't just skip ahead to where you think your life should be - Lily
•Usually in life when you make a stupid decision, you just have to live with it. - Lily
•Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all. - Ted
•Your heart is both drunk and a kid - Marshall
•That’s the thing about stupid decisions - we all make them, but time is funny and sometimes a little magical. It can take a stupid decision and turn it into something else entirely- Ted
Episode 21 Twin Beds
•You only want her because you can't have her. - Ted
Episode 22 Robots Versus Wrestlers
•It's just, eventually we're all gonna move on. It's called growing up. - Lily
Episode 23 The Wedding Bride
•You see, everyone's got some baggage-- it's part of life-- but like anything else, it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. - Ted
Episode 24 Doppelgangers
•But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. You know? These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago Robin, that girl she was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin… she’s amazing.- Ted
•You can ask the universe all signs you want but ultimately we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it.- Ted
SEASON 6
Episode 1 Big Days
•There are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the girl of your dreams and the day you marry her. - Ted
Episode 2 Cleaning House
•You're just too scared to face the truth. You’re living in a dream world. - James
It’s time to let go of the fantasies. It’s time to grow up. - Barney
Episode 3 Unfinished
•Don and I will always be a loose end. We will always be… - Robin
…Unfinished… It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be... - Ted
Episode 5 Architect of Destruction
•We all change a little for whoever we're into. - Ted
Episode 10 Blitzgiving
•People don’t stay enemies forever - Ted
Episode 11 The Mermaid Theory
•When your friends have great news, you're happy for them for like a millisecond and then you start thinking about yourself - Ted
•Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. – John Lennon/Barney
Episode 13 Bad News
•A word of advice: play along. The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you stir into the skid- Ted
Episode 16 Desperation Day
• *February 13th, Desperation Day
Episode 21 Hopeless
• Son, I was far more broken than you'll ever be...and look at me now. Don't get me wrong, settling down is a challenge - it's the biggest challenge of your life. - Jerry
Episode 23 Landmarks
• Sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things - Ted
Episode 24 Challenge Accepted
• The future is scary but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes it's tempting... - Robin
...but it's a mistake. - Barney
SEASON 7
Episode 01 The Best Man
• It doesn't have to make sense, it's chemistry. - Lily
• The reason that I call is to tell you how I feel about you. I know we didn´t work out the first time, and I know it doesn´t make any sense but I can´t shake this feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that still wants to try again? - Robin to Barney; Barney to Nora
• Everyday I think I believe a little less and a little less and a little less. and that... sucks. - Ted
• If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing - Robin
What's that? - Ted
Timing. But timing's a bitch! - Robin
Episode 02 The Naked Truth
I don't want to be choosing between two girls. I want to be a complete head-over-heels idiot for one! - Ted
• You can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly, and with absolute certainty.
Episode 03 Ducky Tie
• I'm happy that you're happy. But...damn it! What if? - Ted
Do you really wanna know the answer to that? - Victoria
No. I think it would kill me. - Ted
Episode 04 The Stinson Missile Crisis
• Sometimes love means taking a step back...if you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy, even if you wind up being left out. - Ted
Episode 05 Field Trip
• Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy? - Robin
Maybe because the idea of finally being happy terrifies you. - Kevin
Episode 06 Mystery vs History
• I don't want a background check. I want adventure and excitement!
Look, if it's a choice between mystery and history, i want mystery. - Ted
• People don't get the chance to discover each other anymore. - Ted
Episode 09 Disaster Averted
• There's no way of knowing for sure where the safest place is, so the best you can hope for is to have some good company. - Ted
Episode 10 Tick Tick Tick
• I'm such a mess.Why do you even like me? - Robin
I guess cause you're almost as messed up as I am. - Barney
• Just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard. - Kevin
• Kevin, I did something bad.- Robin
We've all done bad things, doesn't mean we're bad people. Look, I don't care about every detail from your past and I hope you don't care about mine either. What I do care about is you... - Kevin
• Sometimes hours can feel like minutes; and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime. - Ted
Episode 11 The Rebound Girl
• Well, you just went through a breakup. It's usually when people do something crazy. If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs and be dating you [Barney] by now. - Ted
• The universe told us to do it so we're doing it. - Lily
Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes! - Robin
• We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets. - Ted
- It gets pretty tough. - Barney
Episode 12 Symphony of Illumination
• I never wanted that... Of course, it's one thing not to want something; it's another to be told you can't have it. I guess it's just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you change your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. - Robin
• But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was...She was never alone. - Ted
Episode 13 Tailgate
• You know, to be honest, it hasn't been an easy couple of months for me. I've made mistakes. I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams I didn't even know I had... I just can't do 2011 anymore! - Robin
• That's the magic of New Years; when that clock strikes midnight, we all get a fresh start and I don't know about you, but I could really use one. - Robin
• Private moments are overrated. - Ted
Episode 16 The Drunk Train
• Never keep score - Lily and Marshall
• Will you marry me? ...Look, I know this is fast. I'm just excited to start a life with you, if that's what you want. - Kevin
• Do you know why I'm on the drunk train on Valentine's Day? Because I have nothing better to do. No one I can't stop thinking about. So you have feelings for Quinn? Go for it! cause you're wasting your time here. We both are. - Ted
• I'm scared that you'll wake up in a year or in ten or fifty...full of regret. - Robin
• Why? You got a girlfriend or something? - some girl
Maybe something - Barney
• Sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop, so the question becomes: where do you go next? - Future Ted
Episode 17 No Pressure
• Hey, bros before hoes, right? No matter how mad she made me, Robin's still my bro. And if you make her happy then that makes me happy. - Barney
• Things have just been crazy lately. Everything in my life is unstable. You're one of the few things that I could count on. And I don't really wanna mess that up. - Robin
• As long as the door is even a little bit open, I have this feeling that I;ll just be waiting around to see if I'll win the lottery when you turn 40. I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time is gonna that. - Ted
• I'm sorry. we're great as friends.Let's just forget I ever said anything. - Ted
• Here's the funny thing. In my own crazy way, I was kinda happy. For the first time in years, there was no little part of me clinging to the dream of being with Robin which meant that for the first time in years, the world is wide open. Because kids, when the door closes, well, you know the rest. - future ted
Episode 18 Karma
• You know it's funny, almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to. - Barney
• Ted, no matter how many things you put in this room, I'll still be here. - Robin
• ...I think deep down they realized it just... isn't a good fit - Robin
- It's hard to admit that sometimes. - Ted
sure is. - Robin
- I guess it's better to face it and move on than try to force something that isn't meant to be, right? - Ted
• See for me this place had begun to feel a little haunted. At first I thought it was haunted by Robin, but now I thought it was haunted by me. Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on. I need a change and I think you do too. This apartment needs some new life so please make our old home your new home. It is now ghost-free. - Ted
Episode 19 Broath
• Ted, I know it took guts to tell me you love me, and I know how much it hurt that I didn't say it back. But damn it! This sucks for me too. I miss you. Is there any way we could just go back to normal? - Robin
-I don't think I could do normal anymore. - Ted
And then we agreed to go back to normal. I'm starting to wonder if we could have a really 'just be friends'. - Ted
Episode 20 Trilogy Time
• I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time when all the evidence points to the contrary. - Ted
• No. No, I don't want that. For the first time in my life I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl, no matter how many boobs she has. I wanna be with Quinn. - Barney
Episode 21 Now We're Even
• Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary. - Ted
Episode 23 The Magician's Code Part One
• ...because much like that dumpster, you had a lot of guts; and you've used that bravery every day of your life. - Lily's dad
• Look, I'm a screw up. I had something special with this girl, Quinn, and I ruined it. But this guy, he's done everything right. He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old. There are only a few truly great people in this planet and he is one of them. He deserves to be at the birth of his son. So what do you say? - Barney
Episode 24 The Magician's Code Part Two
• Because as your friend I have to tell you: You're full of crap! ...You say you want a family. You say you wanna meet 'the one'. But you are always chasing the wrong women. - Robin
• If you really wanted a family, you would stop pursuing women you know that there is no future with! - Robin
• ...then you would actually have a chance to get what you say you want and it terrfies you! Why? Because if I saw a scalpel and I cut you open, all I will find inside is this scared trembling pile of crap. - Robin
• Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? Isn't it time to make your own destiny? - Robin
• This is your chance to get the one who got away. You want her. She wants you. What's the problem? - Robin
• Some part of me needed to hear you say that running away together wasn't an option. And now that I know that, it's like I'm sobering up. Is there any way that we can just pretend this never happened? - Victoria
-This never happened. - Ted
• The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it? - Ted
- Yeah, just a few. In a weird way, it all makes sense though, doesn't it? - Marshall
- Yeah, it kinda does. - Ted
SEASON 8
Episode 1 Farhampton
• I feel bad for the guy. I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him. - Ted
- You're not stealing me. I'm choosing you. - Victoria
• ..the thing that is almost the thing that you want but is not quite, that is Victoria to me... - Klaus
How do you know...? - Ted
- ...It's not something that develops over time. It's something that happens instantaneoulsy... fiiling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin... - Klaus
• And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday - Ted
- Of course, everyone does eventually. You just never know when and where. - Klaus
- And he was right - Future Ted
Episode 2 The Pre-Nup
• You all have someone who loves you and you're screwing it up, and over what? Who has the most power? That's not love! Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you. - Barney's co-worker
• Look at that! No legal documents needed, just honesty and vulnerability. That's love! You see, I once loved someone, only I didn't say it enough. Now, I wish I could say it every day. Hell, I don't care if it's crazy, I'm doing it. - Barney's co-worker
Episode 3 Nannies
• Look honey, I was the jerk who wasn't there for most of your childhood, and I regret that every single day of my life. But I promise you, I'm here now... for Marvin. If you want. - Lily's dad
You're hired. - Lily
Episode 4 Who Wants to be a Godparent
• Obviously, none of you knows what it really means to be a parent. - Marshall
- Whoa. Obviously, neither of you know what it means to be a friend anymore. - Barney
• When you have a baby, it's not just the most important thing in your life. It's the only important thing. When are you guys gonna get that?
- I think we get it. - Barney
Episode 5 The Autumn of Break-Ups
• Women over 30 don't joke when it comes to commitment. - Lily
-Victoria is happy we're taking things slow. - Ted
- No 32 year old woman is happy taking things slow. - Marshall
• You guys dated before. That time counts. The clock doesn't reset to zero. It un-pauses from where you left off. - Lily
- No way! No way! The clock resets. - Ted
• Wait...So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples for dinner to judge them and feel superior? - Ted
- Oh, grow up Ted! That's why any couple invites anyone over ever. - Lily
Episode 6 Splitsville
• If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. - Marshall
- Yeah. Take him to a nice restaurant, preferably a dessert place. That way you won't have to sit through a whole meal before you... - Ted
• I love everything about her! and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiot-stuff they felt. But this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to; and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her...more than she knows.
Episode 7 The Tramp Stamp
• Ted, why are you torturing yourself? None of us were our best in college. - Lily
•So? Marshall Eriksen, you just came back from your third date with Lily. How was it? - Past Ted.
- Great. Yeah. It's just... I think I'm falling for this girl pretty hard. Is everything happening too fast? Maybe I should see other people? - Past Marshall
- Geez. Dude. No! Lily Aldrin is special. You hold on to that girl.
Past Ted
- She is. I'm only 18. - Past Marshall
- Marshall! You being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her. I mean, I'd probably never gonna meet my wife until I'm 23. - Past Ted
- Right. What am I thinking? I'm in love with this girl. - Past Marshall
• Ted, oh my god. You gave me the ultimate stamp. I mean my whole life, this life, it all goes back to that moment. - Lily
Episode 8 Twelve Horny Women
• Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment. After that, they did what any two mature adults would do, they pretended it never happened. - Future Ted
• ...because when you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One. good. deed. leads to another and another. - 'future' Marshall
• The truth is you could fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere. - Marshall (dream)
• I came here to thank you for reminding me why I get into law in the first place...to fight for the little guy. - Brad
Judges are the ones who can affect real change. - Marshall
I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it has taken me this long to figure it out. But I promise, I'm done making a fool of myself. - Barney
Episode 9 Lobster Crawl
• You may have closed the door on Barney but he locked it. - Lily
- What? No, he didn't! - Robin
- He got the last word. And now you want what you can't have, like you always do. - Lily
• The only way to get Barney out of my system is to get him into my system...one last time. - Robin
I realized that I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is. - Barney
Episode 10 The Over-Correction
• It's an over-correction....Barney was engaged to Quinn, a stripper he never really trusted so he over-correct by dating her opposite: warm and norturing Patrice. - Ted
• ...It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy? - Barney
• People change. - Ted
- But not as fast and as drastically. This is a cry for help. - Robin
Episode 11 and 12: The Final Page
• A pit guy is someone you've been obsessed with for so long that it has driven you crazy enough to throw him in a pit in your basement like in "The Silence of the Lambs". - Lily
• Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have them 'til you have the chance to push them in. - Future Ted
• Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want. - Marshall
• Kids, sometimes in life you'll make a pit for someone in your mind but ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself...which means there's only one person who can let you out of the pit. - Future Ted
• I want my bestfriend to be happy and if Robin could mean happiness for you then, dear god, why help her go after another man? - Marshall
- Because she might still be in love with him! To not tell her, to not give her that chance, it's selfish. - Ted
- So be selfish. - Marshall
- I can't do that. - Ted
• Robin is my friend. - Ted
- She's always been more than that and you know it. - Marshall
• I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop putting everyone else's interest ahead of my own and for once in my life do what's best for me. - Marshall to Ted
• Why would I wanna throw myself back in that pit? - Robin
- Because you're in love with him. - Ted
• Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn't trade for the world, it led to you being my friend. So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car. - Ted
Episode 13 Band or DJ?
• I know! Because you thought you were okay in letting her go but now that she's really gone, it hurts. - Lily
• Kids, at that point in my life, I've been hurt quite a few times already...but when I saw that text message and found out Robin was engaged it was like (montage of hurtful scenes) times a million. - Future Ted
• Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Sometimes I wanna pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back. - Lily
• He must really love me. - Robin
He'd be crazy not to. - Ted
Episode 14: Ring Up
• Oh sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you. - Lily
- It's true, like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see and I see her brighter and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love. - Marshall
• That night, even though she still couldn't get a beer, Robin realized the true power of the ring... - Future Ted
Episode 15: P.S. I Love You
• This is destiny. - Ted
- No, Ted. This is forcing it. - Marshalif
• They were right. You can't force destiny. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. -future Ted
• Whether a gesture's charming or alarming, depends on how it's received. -Ted
Episode 16: Bad Crazy
• She's insane. But I think you are also a liitle insane right now so I think you need to go be with your crazy girl for a while, and when it all goes down in flames...we'll be here for you because we love you. - Lily
Episode 17: The Ashtray
• Well, I have a passion. It's taking life and turning it intoa series of crazy stories. If you can do that without me, then I don't even know who I am anymore - Barney
• Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me.- Lily
• I promise you, your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you. - Marshall
- I love you so much for saying that but there gets to be a point in life where that just stops being true.- Lily
Episode 18: Weekend at Barney's
• But underneath all of those lies is one true thing, one true thing, that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you. And you know that when I say that, I am not lying. -Barney
Episode19: The Fortress
• If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out...I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you. - Robin
- Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows. - Barney
Episode 20: The Time Travelers
• Hi, I'm Ted Mosby... and exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet and we're gonna fall in love and we're gonna get married and... we're gonna have 2 kids and we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away... but I'm here now. I guess because I want these extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. But if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punch me in the face... because I love you. I'm always gonna love you 'til the end of my days and beyond. You'll see. - Ted
Episode 23: Something Old
• “Kids, you can’t cling to the past, because no matter how tightly you hold on, it’s already gone.” - Future Ted
• Because maybe it’s dumb to look for signs from the universe. Maybe the universe has better things to do. Dear God, I hope it does! Do you know how many signs I’ve gotten that I should or shouldn’t be with someone? And where has it gotten me? Maybe there aren’t any signs. Maybe a locket's just a locket, a chair is just a chair. Maybe we don’t have to give meaning to every little thing. Maybe we don’t need the universe to tell us what we really want. Maybe we already know that...deep down. - Ted
SEASON 9
Episode 2: Coming Back
• Because here's the thing, kids, when you believe in people, people come through. - Future Ted
• I'll be right back. - Ted
- I'll be right here. - "Mother"
Episode 3: Last Time in New York
• You wrote down all these things to say goodbye to but so many of them are good things. Why not just say goodbye to the bad things? Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost, to all the times it was a "No" instead of a "Yes", to all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache. Say goodbye to everything you really want to do for the last time. But don't go have one last scotch with Barney. Have the first scotch toasting Barney's new life because that's a good thing, and the good things will always be here waiting for you. - Lily
Episode 5: The Poker Game
• In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. Remember: Happy wife equals happy life. - Lily
Episode 6: Knight Vision
• I strongly feel that you should strongly feel her. - Barney
Episode 7: No Questions Asked
• I've never asked Lily to do anything "no questions asked" because I never wanted to. She's the love of my life. I never keep anything from her. - Marshall
Episode 8: The Lighthouse
• My name is mom. Don't you ever call me anything else. I'm mom. - Loreta
• It was breathtaking and I wasted it. I mean, how many places have I ruined forever by being there with the wrong girl? - Ted
• I'm starting to think a person gets a certain allotment of lighthouses per lifetime. I've used all mine up. -Ted
• And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say before you've met the person who hits the reset button on the world, who makes everything new again, who makes it seem ridiculous that you ever considered settling.- Future Ted
Episode 9: Platonish
• Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win? - mother
• We're not platonic, platonish maybe, if that's even a word, but not platonic. There's something between us and there always will be. If this was 8 years ago, I'll be jumping into a cab right now to go steal that blue french horn - Ted
- Well, why don't you? - Marshall
- I don't know. It just doesn't seem to work that way anymore. -Ted
• I used to be in such a hurry all the time. Everything was so urgent. Now I figured, if it's going to happen it'll happen when it happens. I'm not going anywhere, she's not going anywhere. What's the rush, right? - Ted
• I have no idea who that girl was but she set me straight. After that, I had 1 challenge and 1 challenge only: get Robin Scherbatsky to fall in love with me. -Barney
- Challenge completed. - Robin
Episode 15: Unpause
• Okay, I got one last question for you and I can't believe I haven't asked it yet. Dude, you're getting married tomorrow! How are you doing? - Ted
- Good. I mean, I'm a little nervous but I love Robin more than I've ever loved anyone, and I'm gonna do everything I can to make her happy. For a long time, deep down, I've felt sort of...broken? I don't feel that way anymore. Robin, along with the idea that vengeance will soon be mine, has made me 100% awesome.- Barney
Episode 16: How Your Mother Met Me
• The love of your life could be on that dance floor, waiting for you to bump into him. If you're not there, he's just gonna bump into someone else. - friend
• I guess I'm old-fashioned. I believe that each of us only gets one...and I got mine already. - mother
Well, if you ask me, you know what comes after the one? The next one. - Cindy
• Hi, Max. It's me. Sorry to interrupt. I know you're probably up there playing baseball with your dad. Uhm, look, I've got a situation here. I think that I have been holding myself back from falling in love again. And I think it's because I can't let you go. But you're not here anymore so I have to ask this: Would it be okay if I moved on? I realize that you have no way of answering that, but.... Oh, okay, I will take that as yes. In that case, I should get back in there. I guess this is it. For real this time. Bye, Max. -mother
Watch - Best How I Met Your Mother Monologues
Episode 17: Sunrise
• The whole thing taught me a lesson. If you love something, you can never let it go, not even for a second, or it's gone forever... It was a lesson that took me nearly 30 years to unlearn. - Future Ted
• Because she hurt you once, you now get to hurt her? It's not how it works in a marriage. - Marvin Sr.
• You want to talk about my top five? There's no top five, Robin! There's just a top one, and it's you. And the only reason I'm saying any of this is 'cause I know that it's not gonna change anything. You and Barney are getting married today. If I have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening. - Ted
• She thought I was gonna lose. - Marshall
- You are gonna lose. You're gonna lose this. If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like "winning" and "losing" when you talk about our marriage... It's not like it'll happen all at once but if you keep acting this way, little by little, you're gonna lose me. Is that what you want? - Lily
- No, of course not. You're not my enemy. You're my wife. - Marshall
• Actually, there is a word for that. It's love. I'm in love with her, okay? If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love! And when you love someone, you just, you don't stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then! You just...You don't give up! Because if I could give up, if I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But I...that is not what this is. - Ted
• And most importantly, whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it. - Barney
• I have to let go now. - Ted
- I know you do. - Robin
Episode 18: Rally
• Kids, no matter how hard we try, even the best of us go a little too wild sometimes. And in those moments, we all need someone who loves us to help us rally...even if that means lying once in a while. - Future Ted
Episode 19: Vesuvius
• Wow. You know every one of my stories. - mother
- And you know every one of mine. I guess it's official. We're an old married couple. -Ted
- Nice! - mother
- We did it! - Ted
• I just worry about you. I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories. Life only moves forward. - mother
• Look, picture it. The ceremony. - Ted
- When everyone stands up for me? - Barney
- They do that for her. -Ted
- They should. She's gonna look amazing. - Barney
- You'd better believe it. She walks down the aisle, you say your vows, you go to the reception, you have your first dance, and before you know it, just like magic, you realize...it's a perfect fit. - Ted
- You're right, Ted. This is the one. - Barney
• And then I think it hit all of us. We didn't know the next time we'd be together. This was it. And it's funny, in a moment like that when what's really happening is too intense to deal with, sometimes it's best... - Ted
- ...to leave it unspoken, and just enjoy each other's company instead. - mother
Episode 20: Daisy
• Oh, darling. You're going to be fine. You know for every marriage in the world like I had with your dad, there's a marriage like those two in there. Marriage is terrifying. It's like flying. You know you're filled with this mortal dread but if you find someone you feel safe with, it's like...flying! But if you got someone that you feel is really there for you, someone you can depend on, you're gonna be fine. Do you have someone like that? -Robin's mother
- I do. -Robin
Episode 21: Gary Blauman
• The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and partners in crime you love so much when you're young, as the years go by, you just lose touch. - Future Ted
• You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it. - Future Ted
Episode 22: The End of the Aisle
• Some part of me thought that Barney would magically find it. I know. I know that's unfair of me to expect that. But you know, I want to be with a guy who comes through for me. You know? The guy who, somehow against all odds, finds my locket. - Robin
• Ted, I should be with you. - Robin
- There it was...the words that some deep, dark part of me always wanted to hear. But it's funny. Once you actually hear those words out loud... - Future Ted
- I don't want to hear that. - Ted
• Stop! Stop! You're just saying this because you're scared. I am not your future. Barney is. - Ted
- Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket? The guy who steals me the blue french horn. I mean, look me in the eye and tell me why shouldn't I be with that guy? -Robin
- Because I'm not that guy anymore. - Ted
• Maybe some part of me thought... - Ted
- That you still loved me. - Robin
- Maybe. But the truth is I don't love you like that anymore. And you don't love me. You love Barney. And if you think I would ever be part of screwing that up, then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin. - Ted
• I can't shake it. I can't shake this feeling that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense. - Robin
But love doesn't make sense. I mean, you can't Logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical but we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do. Look, I know that sounds cheesy but it's just true. You love barney and he loves you, and that doesn't have to make sense to make sense. - Ted
• I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows. - Marshall
- That seems high. - Lily
- And I vow to keep updating them as we go because one set of vows...it can't cover a lifetime of growing and changing with you, of raising children with you, falling more and more in love with you every day, Lily Aldrin, which is what I vow to do for the rest of my life. - Marshall
- Crap. I already broke my crying vow. - Lily
- I'll forgive you. - Marshall
Watch - Best How I Met Your Mother Monologues
• When I'm overwhelmed, I force myself to do one simple thing before I have to make a decision: Close my eyes and take three deep breaths. - mother
- Three deep breaths? - Robin
- Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything. - mother
• Marshall and Lily have broken most of their wedding vows but they're still the best couple I know. I think their biggest problem was that Marshall didn't tell Lily the truth. So I've decided to make only one vow to you because it's the only one that really counts. Robin Scherbatsky, from this day forward, I am always gonna be honest with you 'cause I love you. - Barney
• Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: None of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got...because love is the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other, and it was legendary. - Future Ted
Episode 23: Last Forever 1
• I feel like a hug isn’t enough. – Lily
• Why does he
keep doing this? He meets them, he likes them way too much, he goes way too big
too soon, and he ends up blowing it. I can’t take this anymore. He’s fallen in
love so many times now. – Marshall
- Not like
this. This is different. – Lily
• If I gave
you an out right now, if there was an exit ramp right here at the three year
mark, would you take it? – Robin
• I love you,
Robin, and when we got married, I made a vow that I would always tell you the
truth. – Barney
• This isn't a
failed marriage. It’s a very successful marriage that happened to only last
three years. – Barney
• This, right
here, this is why we can’t fall out of each other’s lives. We have to be here
for the big moments. Just promise me, no matter what, we will always be there
for the big moments. – Lily
• How do you
say goodbye to so many special memories? – Marshall
• The whole
gang has to be here. - Lily
- The gang? Do
you know who the gang is to me, Lily? Here's what the gang is: The gang is a
married couple who I never see anymore, about to have their third kid; It's my
ex-husband, hitting on slutty cops right in front of me; And it's the guy I
probably should have ended up with, with the beautiful mother of his child. -Robin
• We’ll always
be friends. It’s just never going to be how it was. It can’t be and that doesn’t
have to be a sad thing. There’s so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our
lives right now. Look, more than enough to be grateful for. But the 5 of us
hanging out at MacLaren’s, being young and stupid, that’s just not one of those
things. I got to go. – Robin
Episode 23:
Last Forever 2
• Tonight is
about celebrating our enduring bond as friends, nay, family. Because that’s
what we are, Ted. – Barney
• Look, I know
there was a time when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance. But if
it wasn’t going to happen with Robin then it’s just not going to happen with
anyone. I am never going to be a guy who meets a girl and from the first time I
see her, I’m just like, “You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything
I am is yours forever.” – Barney
- ...That’s me. Can I please just be me? –
Barney
• No, I can’t
hear this. This is just too sad. – Lily
- But I haven’t
gotten to the sad part yet. – Barney
- You’re in
your 40’s and you have a playbook. That’s the sad part. – Lily
• I was about
to enter my golden years, my Clooney years, my daddy-issues years where I don't
just remind messed-up girls of their dads because I'm emotionally distant. I
freaking look like their dads! That's the dream. My life is over. – Barney
• This is
Ellie. I'll give you guys a minute. - nurse
- You are the
love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever. - Barney
• Hi, Daddy. -
Robin
- Whoa. Look,
Robin, I'm really happy to see you but I don't think of you that way anymore. -
Barney
- No, dummy,
you had a kid. Congrats. - Robin
- Right, yeah.
Thanks. A kid. I'm tired. But she's awesome. – Barney
- Yeah? – Robin
- Yeah. Daddy's
home. – Barney
• Sorry. I
know it's bad luck to see the bride in her dress. - mother
- Worth it. –
Ted
• To Ted…a man
with more emotional endurance than anyone I know. It was a long, difficult
road. Thank God we finally got here. – Lily
• Aunt Lily
wasn't wrong. It was at times a long, difficult road. But I'm glad it was long
and difficult because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson
might not have been as clear. You see, kids, right from the moment I met your
mom, I knew I have to love this woman as much as I can for as long as I can,
and I can never stop loving her, not even for a second. I carried that lesson
with me through every stupid fight we ever had, every 5:00 a.m. Christmas
morning, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, through every speed bump. Every pang of
jealousy or boredom or uncertainty that came our way, I carried that lesson
with me. And I carried it with me when she got sick.
Even then,
in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God,
thank every god there is, or ever was, or will be, and the whole universe, and
anyone else I can possibly thank that I saw that beautiful girl on that train
platform, and that I had the guts to stand up, walk over to her, tap her on the
shoulder, open my mouth, and speak. – Future Ted
• Funny how
sometimes you just find things. - Tracy McConnell
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Seasons 1 to 9 of HIMYM)
See YouTube video of Barney Stinson's Theories:
Barney Stinson's Theories on Dating & Relationship
Barney Stinson's Theories on Dating & Relationship
HIMYM Barney Quotes Compilation
1. LEMON LAW
(Season 1, Episode 8, The Duel)
“A Lemon Law: From the moment that they begin to have 5 minutes to decide whether they are going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don’t, it’s no hard feelings. It’s just goodnight, thanks for playing, see you never.” - Barney
2. FREEWAY THEORY
(Season 2, Episode 12, First Time In New York)
“Relationships are like the freeway. Freeways have exits so do relationships. The first exit is 6 hours in (you meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit while she’s in the shower). The next exits are 4 days, 3 weeks, 7 months, a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit - death.” - Barney
3. HOT-CRAZY SCALE
(Season 3, Episode 05, How I Met Everyone Else)
“A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot.” - Barney
4. PLATINUM RULE
(Season 3, Episode 11, The Platinum Rule)
“The Golden Rule is love thy neighbor, but there’s one rule above it – the Platinum Rule. Never ever ever ever love thy neighbor.” – Barney
5. CHAIN OF SCREAMING
(Season 3, Episode 15, The Chain of Screaming)
“The Chain of Screaming starts at the top. Arthur’s boss’ boss screams at Arthur’s boss, Arthur’s boss screams at Arthur, Arthur screams at you, you go home and scream at Lily, Lily screams at one of the kids at her kindergarten class, then that kid screams at her dad – Arthur’s boss’ boss. And the whole thing starts all over again.” - Barney
6. CHEERLEADER EFFECT
(Season 4, Episode 7, Not a Father’s Day)
“The Cheerleader Effect is when a group of women seems hot but only as a group, just like with cheerleaders (also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, Sorority Girl Syndrome, and for a brief window in the mid-90s, the Spice Girls Conspiracy).” - Barney
7. MERMAID THEORY
(Season 6, Episode 11, The Mermaid Theory)
“It was 300 years ago, sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like beautiful women, mermaids…Every woman no matter how initially repugnant has a mermaid clock: the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure today you see [her] as a manatee, but she ain’t gonna stay that way. Marshall, your Secretary’s mermaid clock starts right now.” - Barney
8. INTERNATIONAL DATE LINE
(Season 09, Episode 11, Bedtime Stories)
“The Date Line is the border between happiness and sorrow. On this side, you go home tonight. On this side, home tomorrow.” - Barney
From Lily, Marshall and Robin:
9. OLIVE THEORY - Marshall
(Season 1, Episode 1, Pilot)
“He hates olives. She loves them. In a weird way, that’s what makes them such a great couple. Perfect balance.” – Ted quoting Marshall
10. FRONT PORCH TEST - Lily
(Season 4, Episode 17, The Front Porch)
“Whenever you’ve been dating somebody for a while, I do the Front Porch Test. How is this person gonna fit with our group over the years?” - Lily
11. CIRCUMSTANTIAL HOTNESS - Robin
(Season 5, Episode 12, Girls versus Suits)
“Her hotness isn’t even real. It’s circumstantial hotness.” - Robin
See YouTube video of Barney Stinson's Theories:
Barney Stinson's Theories on Dating & Relationship
See YouTube video of Barney Stinson's Theories:
Barney Stinson's Theories on Dating & Relationship
Follow me on YouTube: It's Your Gal Pau YouTube Channel
Great! :)
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Awesome :')
ReplyDeleteThanks for the collection. I am bookmarking this :)
ReplyDeleteThis is wat i always wanted i myself made a list till season 4 then i stopped when i found this you should try n make a list of emotional stuff from friends too that would be nice too @
ReplyDeleteNow this .. is .. blog
ReplyDeleteThanks... loved it... i posted some of it on my twitter... ^_^
ReplyDeleteDo the latest episode pls.. season 9 episode 2 ...lily's life lesson about ted not saying goodbye to good stuff..^_^
ReplyDeletenice one bro :)
ReplyDeletecomplete it man
ReplyDeleteCompleted man. :) Well, except for the last one tomorrow.
ReplyDeletei love this, thank you <3
ReplyDeleteWonderful!! All quotes are awosome...
ReplyDeleteit would be awesome if you could do up the last few eps too! :))
ReplyDeleteDone.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. :)
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ReplyDeleteI have really seen a number of crappy posts but this is the special one for me because it has really favorably influenced me. Good luck…. Uplifting Quotes
ReplyDeleteheart touching !!
ReplyDeleteReading these quotes makes me feel like I'm re-living the show :)
Thank you.:)
Respect !!
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